Isolation

Yesterday was not a good day.  I woke feeling very isolated. All alone. Angry. Shut in and anxious. It is so hard not being able to go do things like everyone else. Its hard not being jealous or envying people that have the luxury to go wherever they want without the constant worry and preparation.  It is so hard not being able to go to anyone's house and just hang out.  Sometimes I feel like we are outcasts and I never want my son to feel that way when he is older. It is not a good feeling. We have tried to have "safe" play dates and they have ended in hives and very upset friends.  For a moment, try and imagine not being able to take  your child anywhere that dairy, nuts, peanut butter or eggs or foods made with them have been. This is friends houses, families houses, parks, restaurants, birthday parties, weddings, funeral luncheons (he had a reaction at one), play centers, the childrens museum, any public place really.  Ash begs to go byebye every morning but I simply don't have that many places to take him. I was taking him to the library but they have a vending machine and the last time we went there were 2 kids eating SNICKERS bars in the kid area. It's like really? Do you have to???  SO yesterday we went to my friends house to play in her yard. We don't go in her house at all because there is peanut residue from her father in law who eats peanuts even though she asked him not to.  grrrr.  We are playing and Ash is having a great time. My peanut and tree nut radar must have been on high.  There was a Walnut and Peanut shell in her  yard! Ash didn't touch them but instinctively reached down and picked it up. Then I almost panicked, thinking I am touching something that could kill my baby! ahhhh!  I handed it to my friend and she said she didn't want to touch it :)  We got rid of them and washed our hands.  Now, I know that these were in her yard from squirrels and it wasn't her fault at all, it just really bummed me out.  I was already feeling down. I am just thankful he did not have a reaction and he got to run and play and be a little boy :)   Some days are really bad, and I ask "what kind of a life is this" then other days aren't so bad and I am thankful Ash is healthy otherwise.  As Ash gets older, I hope that I can help him to understand this and that his contact allergies go down.